By JACKIE JACKSON
When I hear people say, “I’m a total control freak,” I think: ‘Sure, aren’t we all?’
I mean, we’re all human - we all desire control. We long to be in the place we want to be doing the things we want to do. This is control over your actions and surroundings. It’s why we spend so much time and money getting our homes exactly right, as it is our domain that we can control.
If we get what we want, we feel free. If not, we can feel trapped.
For most people, much of their life means chaos. Maybe they have an evil boss who is overly demanding or verbally abusive. Anyone who has suffered this will feel completely out of control because someone has power over you. In fact, that boss’ desire for control over other people is what causes the suffering in the first place.
Ever been in a car crash? Anyone who has will know that split second where you lose control, and your life is in the hands of fate. This feeling of helplessness is one of the worst feelings in the world.
The tragedy is many people feel helpless and powerless all too often. Some feel like their life is careering out of control 24/7.
When I was a struggling single mother, I looked at other people and thought:
‘How on Earth can everyone else keep it together? Everyone’s life seems perfect, whereas I feel like mine’s completely out of control.’
After experiencing many years of being a wealth coach, I can tell you that this feeling of powerlessness is common. Feeling helpless is a powerful yet negative emotion. If you feel this way, it is difficult to get anything in life solved without solving this issue first. That’s why I have written this guide to helping yourself out of a pit of hopelessness and lack of control.
What Happens to Us When We Feel Powerless
We need to feel in control to maximize our psychological well-being.
So many people feel helpless and out of control, we may think this mindset is normal and so not a problem. Hey, we’re all in the same boat, right? Life is for suffering together! This is how skewed our perceptions can be if we don’t know anything else.
If feeling like your life is out of control is normal for you, it can be very hard to get into the right mindset to change it. You might feel like you should stick with your current mindset out of habit, or some kind of perverse loyalty. If you try to change, other people might shame you by accusing you of thinking you are “better than them.” Of course, this is their pain talking. People can talk and act in all kinds of ways if they feel their limited control is threatened even further.
If we feel hopeless and powerless we feel like we have no choice. This makes sense: if we thought we had a choice to stop being powerless then wouldn’t we take it? It seems like a no-brainer.
The truth is the habit and pain of powerlessness puts blinkers on how you see the world. People who feel out of control often don’t realize that there ARE choices available to them.
Instead, they fail to see alternative courses of action and their life never changes.
When you change your mindset to a more open and positive one, you will begin to see the choices that were there all along.
You don’t have to take abuse from your boss. It is not your lot in life. Nothing is “down to fate.”
- You can take things higher.
- You can change departments.
- You can quit.
- You can stand up to him/her.
Sometimes taking a step back can open up routes of action you never realized were an option.
So, the first step to overcoming your feelings of being out of control is to see that in every part of your life there IS a choice to be made.
Read on to find out how to do this and where to go from here.
How to Stop Feeling Weak and Powerless
Part of feeling in control is recognizing that something bad is going to happen in the future.
Unfortunately, it is inevitable.
Does this mean that it’s pointless to strive for control and positive well-being in your life? Of course not!
Part of being in complete control is being aware and accepting of everything that could go wrong.
This is an important part of mental preparation for the challenges of life.
And guess what: coming to terms with this is part of you being in control.
You have a choice:
- To be caught off-guard by the unexpected and feel powerless as you constantly try to play catch-up or;
- To be fully prepared to deal with any eventuality, confident that while you may not be in control of everything that happens to you, you can be in control of how you react to it.
Read that again if you have to. This is the mindset shift you need to start feeling in control again.
Like anything else, your mindset is your mental habits. It takes time and perseverance to replace the mental software you have with a more positive and powerful one.
Take every challenge as it comes. Don’t let problems pile up. Appreciate every little victory. Find a tribe of like-minded people.
After some time, you will have the mindset of someone who is in complete control.
Go Ahead and Live a Powerful Life!
One of the hallmarks of the personality of a self-made millionaire is that they can perform under pressure.
It makes sense - if you have multiple deals floating around that could make or lose you millions of dollars you need to keep a cool head.
- Harv Eker, author of Secrets of the Millionaire Mind outlines 17 ways the money mindset of the rich differs from the middle class and poor.
One of them is that rich people believe: “I create my life.” This contrasts with what most people believe: “Life happens to me.”
Eker points out that every rich person he knew has complete control over their life. They don’t wait until someone gives them permission to do something, they exercise their choice right in the moment.
Receiving abuse from a friend or colleague? That person is no longer a part of their life.
Are you getting no enjoyment or benefit from a part of your routine? Why are you wasting your finite life on such things? Eliminate it.
Do things in a way that you can control. If you are in a public space, you can remove yourself from a toxic situation. There is no need for conflict - you are in control!
In short, you have the power to control your life if you just give yourself permission to do so. Everything is a choice, and you have a choice if you want to approach life powerfully and in control, or not. It is the mindset that primes you for this success.
Once you feel that you have the power and mental resources to control how things affect you in life, you will start to view the world differently.
You will no longer be a victim who lets life happen to you.
You will notice the infinite opportunity that is available to us in the world and have the capacity to pursue what you want.
There will be so much good stuff going on in your life, your biggest problem will be how to fit it all in. These are the high-quality problems that you will have when you are on top of your life.
So, remember, you are in control.
Next up, we’ll go right back to Real Estate Investing and some of the choices that are out there and which might be right for you.
Until we meet again.
Jackie Jackson is a Real Estate Coach & Mentor based in Central Florida. After working over a decade in corporate America and climbing the success ladder to vice president, she walked away from it all. As a result, she pursued her calling as a mentor, motivator, and business coach. She does one-on-one coaching, offers boot camps and speaks at seminars and teach courses.